The hunter

For many moon returns I’ve been collecting words. I made a bed. A garden. A bed, planted garden and mounted house, I made of tough love. My heart is even now. It beats in the rhythm of the street clock, only speeds up 6 minutes before noon when it hears the song of trash trucks.

Day sits on my back like a bride’s veil, light but deceiving in this hour of zenith. Nothing stops. You can’t stop. Each worth is measured by a sixteen year old thumbs made of french fries. Exteriors sublimes, narrow walls of sudden disapproval are in front of me. I’m not alone. There’s many of us. Disgruntled, as I rise above superficial daily, biphasic outcomes, executioner appears with an ax, rope, whip in whoop to behead my intentions.

Non-approbation sprouts fear like a weed in the field of your purple smiles;  it’s a black sheep in the white flock of your thoughts, unwanted spurt hair in a bushy emotions you would like to pluck. They say you need to face you fear. I don’t have time for that. I can smell it from a long distance, I can sense its millihertz vibrations. I sneak, like stealthy snake I eat it raw, fragile, undeveloped and spit out the shells made of careless, nameless sentences.

I look deep in side of  myself: satiated garden groomed, blooms in the color of your eyes.

Maja S. Todorovic

 

Have we met?

Yes, I know you, Fear.

 

I know…how my mother’s body

screamed when she couldn’t get out of bed.

Her eyes would darken,

swallowing my childhood smile.

 

I know how my older sister hid her head

among pages, pretending to be an astronaut

and I was a suitcase she rolled over the moon.

 

I know how my father duct-taped his voice,

washing for hours his hands in a bathroom sink

each time he would crush the car.

 

I know, you are that lump in my throat

too large even for this poem to hold.

 

Maja S. Todorovic

3 step-process to curb fear of creative self-expression

Marie Curie

We are creative beings. Even while only sitting and thinking – you are actually creating, but some people need that final nudge – to translate their idea into a physical reality. They are afraid of expressing themselves creatively, and sources of this fear can be numerous: fear of other’s people approval, not being original enough or not meeting some type of criteria (deadline, aesthetic or functional purpose) for what they want to produce.

Most self-help teachings will tell that you need to face your fear, “take the bull by the horns”. But it can be counterproductive – and you can  end up being chased by the angry bull, not trained and fast enough to escape this seething fury.

And I believe that there is the key – before facing your fear, prepare and arm yourself with any additional weapon that can help you fight this raging animal.

  1. Acknowledge your fear. By this I mean that you should be frank with yourself and admit you are somehow scared to publicly express your creativity. As mentioned above, fear is an angry and hungry beast that craves your self-doubt, pessimism, lack of clarity and unreachable perfectionism. Your fear can endlessly haunt you, wanting more, but you don’t have to be the one to feed it: once you accept its existence – it’s much easier to equip yourself and prepare a battle field into your advantage.
  1. Turn your fear into curiosity. Examine your thoughts carefully: what are you actually afraid of? Right down your thoughts. Is there any credible truth behind those statements? After all these are just thoughts. Thoughts can be changed. And what would happen if you begin to enjoy your creativity? People will think and talk, no matter what you do. But how would your life improve if you give your creativity a chance? Like writing a book or painting? You create for the sake of your own life experience, passion and joy: replace your negative thoughts with more empowering affirmations that will open the door to more inspiration and creative outlet.
  1. Take meaningful action. If you are still lingering on the edge of insecurity, think of ways you can improve your creativity: what else you need to know? What  additional information would help you? Do your research, ask questions, observe other people who did similar things – what actions they have taken..do you need any skill? Educate yourself, take classes, go to workshops…Instead of feeding your fear, feed your creativity, enable it grow, flourish and materialize into something you will enjoy. That’s the sure way for your environment to enjoy your work as well.

I hold it true that thoughts are things
Endowed with bodies, breath, and wings,
And that we send them forth to fill
The world with good results – or ill.

That which we call our secret thought
Speeds to the earth’s remotest spot,
And leaves its blessings or its woes
Like tracks behind it as it goes.

It is God’s law. Remember it
In your still chamber as you sit
With thoughts you would not dare have known,
And yet made comrades when alone.

These thoughts have life; and they will fly
And leave their impress by-and-by,
Like some marsh breeze, whose poisoned breath
Breathes into homes its fevered breath.

And after you have quite forgot
Or all outgrown some vanished thought,
Back to your mind to make its home,
A dove or raven, it will come.

Then let your secret thoughts be fair;
They have a vital part and share
In shaping worlds and moulding fate —
God’s system is so intricate.

Ella Wheeler Wilcox